This really is a post that I was praying that I would never have to write but it's time.
In the past week our Aspie has shown
increased aggression and anger. So much that I am so overwhelmed that I have
considered stopping school so that I may focus more on him. I know this sounds
crazy but the guilt that comes along with having a child that struggles with
Aspergers is enough to make me want to quit school, work and everything else
and focus solely on my child. I know that this is not the right thing to do but
the desperation to see my son less aggressive and happier is driving me to
consider all of the above.
This past week he became so enraged
by me that he started throwing things at me and screaming so loud that it drove
me to tears. It was not that he was throwing things at me (although this is
completely unacceptable) but more that he was so angry with me without reason.
I know that he struggles with this as well because after he has these what I
all "meltdowns" he sleeps for hours on end and then appears quietly
at the top of the stairs and says he is sorry and then cries.
It breaks my heart and lately I have
been feeling so guilty that I cannot help him that I am unclear on what I need
to do. I have really been considering taking the summer off and staying home with
my children, I think it would be the best thing to do. Our boy really
struggles in daycare due to the sensory overload. He comes home and has
meltdown after meltdown. It's just too much.....
He has been showing more and more
aggression everyday and now has resorted to threatening me,telling me that he
will throw things at me. (At least there is a warning) I struggle with the
punishment phase because a child that struggles with Aspergers and it not even
clear themselves why they are doing it, how do punish him? I need to find a
neutral zone that here is a consequence but not one that isolates him even
I am nervous posting this because I always try to put on such a happy face,
a face that says "I've got everything under control." Yet I don't and
it’s eating me alive. Not knowing what is best for my son makes me feel like
the worst mother, I feel that I have failed. I do not know what to do say or
think and frankly I am exhausted.
I pray that God leads me to make the right decision, that he wraps his arms
around my son and reminds him how special he is.